Reaction to Signs
Published with permission of the writer

MISSION VIEJO SIGNS
Mission Viejo signs “bug” me! But I’m hoping that by putting my irritations down on paper I won’t have to think about them any more.

THE CHRISTMAS SIGNS
First, there were the Christmas banners. So retro, shall we say. Certainly not my taste! I thought there must be someone down in City Hall who had a case of nostalgia, someone even older than I am. These were smudgy, tired images from the ‘40s like the assortments of old patterns now sold in thrift-card boxes. They weren’t the crisp, sharp graphics I’d seen in neighboring communities that projected energy and happiness. I said something to my family about the dated image they presented of our city; but it was Christmastime, and the happiness and bustle of the season overrode the irritation.

CROWN VALLEY STAKE SIGNS
Then there were the Crown Valley stake “signs” informing speeding cars jostling for position that there were businesses along the road that were still operating despite the alterations taking place on the parkway. The multistory buildings were still standing along the road, obviously in good repair. No reason in my mind to assume that they were abandoned. But here were these puny signs (And I use the word “signs” advisedly.) – signs only slightly larger than typing paper, hanging at the side of the road with print so small I have never been able to make out their words. (And I wear corrective glasses that give me twenty-twenty vision.) I don’t want to know how much these totally worthless things cost us, I thought. One day they’ll come down, and most people probably haven’t even noticed them. So why make an issue out of it.

“IT’S SPRING” SIGNS
Then there were the “It’s spring!” signs on Marguerite. It was a beautiful time of year, a beautiful street. Why not let spring speak for itself? Why did City Hall find it necessary to guild the lily, to mar the beauty, to place graffiti on spring? These things, these signs, were not passable as retro; these signs were flat-out pass‚. No more rationalizing. And these were, I discovered, the same images used in the Big Lots window. (Don’t get me wrong; I have shopped there and picked up some things. But let’s face it: Big Lots sells leftovers.) Good for the company that made some money off of them, but “shame, shame” on Mission Viejo for picking them.

I just did not want to look at those signs. I decided I would avert my eyes. But occasionally I would catch a glimpse of them. So better still, I thought, I would avoid Marguerite Parkway entirely, go out of my way and use the 5 to travel north and south. But time and the price of gas prevented me. So I tried to avert my eyes.

RUN FOR YOUR LIFE SIGNS
And now we have new Marguerite signs for something-or-other. The print size again is not large enough for graphics along a parkway. The best I can make out is that we have a design that suggests Islamic religious beliefs — a crescent and a star. But what that has to do with a race against cancer and the color purple I can’t figure out. Whatever! But spare me!

Do we have a pattern here? Is it best described as inept? Spare me! Please!

ELECTRONIC SIGNS
While we’re on the subject, I’ll have to bring up more. Excuse me; I’m still purging. Those electronic signs at the entrance to Saddleback College — placed on what looks like an abandoned, vacant lot, no less! Dirt and weeds graced with computer electronics! Hardly charming. Certainly, this entrance does not represent what is a very worthy institution. I guess the city could not have asked for a total removal of the garish electronic signs because, as I understand it, the city wants to put up another of those garish signs at La Paz and Marguerite at the heart of our city. But at the very least, Mission Viejo’s $5,000 contribution to the $200,000 War Memorial art project at Saddleback should have included a proviso that the college do some artful improvement on its Marguerite entrance.

The out-of-synchronization computer electronic signs (now somewhat corrected) drove me wild when I approached them dead-on at the intersection. Where was one to look? Upon which sign was one to fix one’s gaze? How could a driver then and how can a driver now really absorb the flipping information? What with cross-traffic, red lights, green arrows and all. These signs should be deemed distracting traffic hazards. At the very least, they could incite some poor soul to road rage.

And what will happen at the intersection of Marguerite and La Paz? Will City Hall realize that for easy viewing the new computer electronics sign there will have to be hoisted 20 feet up — like the Mission Viejo High School sign along a lovely neighborhood street. And maybe just one of those two-legged monsters will not be enough. Maybe we’ll have to have an additional one situated so that it can be viewed from another approach to the intersection. Why not all four approaches? Talk about in-your-face advertising. Talk about roadside hazards. And what business is it anyway of the government to provide us with movies or bingo games or childrearing instruction, all so endlessly posted at the intersection.

Don’t ask me about Mission Viejo’s past and future regulations concerning retail store signs. We don’t want to go there with me. However, in light of all the new technologies, will the day come when every little business will have signs, signs, and more signs -- computer-electronic or flipping graphics or both? We have a combination of both now every few feet at the Shops in Mission Viejo, clinging to the walls, hanging from the ceilings, and rising out of the floors. Spare me. Spare me.

CROWN VALLEY ART
And I don’t want to think about what monsters may be slouching toward Crown Valley to be borne, to be endured, to be erected as “art,” those pieces that will be positioned along the sides of the road to be endured by those whizzing by or stuck in traffic. Will they be like the eyesores and the waste of money Mission Viejo has chosen in the past?

Give me green trees, green grass, a few flowers, God’s designs, and I’ll be happy. Give me softness on an already hard-edged road with hard-edged buildings. Give me something truly lovely. Please.

(Permission to publish given with condition of anonymity)